I have been missing from the blogging scene for over a month now. A lot has happened and personal life has just got in the way.
We come back from an amazing holiday (you can read about it here) to our landlord giving us notice to leave. After having no luck with our local council and our credit rating being too poor to pass the necessary checks in order for us to private rent, we had all but given up hope and we're preparing ourselves to leave Nottingham and move in with my parents in Cambridgeshire. That would have offered us some comfort financially but the move would have split my family in 2 as the mr did not want to follow. Someone was watching over us though and 3 weeks before our notice was up, we were offered a house via a housing association. We had to downsize due to finances and move to a different part of Nottingham, but we are now out of the vicious cycle of throwing money away and are in a permanent and stable home.
The whole process has been a stressful one. Little K's 9th birthday was on the tail end of it. My kids had to leave their schools and their friends before the school year was up and we have had to start fresh in a completely new area. To make matters worse, I needed to clean, and magnolia the house we was leaving, whilst packing, trying to find a new home and convince my kids that this was not their fault. Big K understood it, the house was part of our landlords business, she wanted more money for it, more than we could afford. I couldn't however explain to my 9 year old the situation in anyway she could possibly understand. It broke my heart on more than one occasion to hear my 9 year old saying that our landlord was mean and greedy and asking why we couldn't stay while she was clinging to me sobbing her heart out. I kept being told that children are resilient and she will be fine. Now we have moved and are a little settled, those people were right. Little K is happy planning her new room, she talks to her friends via email and the move last week is a distant memory. For me though the stress of it all still lingers and the guilt is unbearable.
I feel like I have failed, I should have fought with the council and not been fobbed off by them insisting that as we could afford to rent private we would not be placed on priority housing. I should have demanded that they place us somewhere near to the kids schools even if it meant that I needed to get a bus 4 times a day. I should have tried harder to find a job so we could help pay the rent increase to keep my kids where they were settled. Now I have moved I see that it was out of my control, the situation was forced and this move needed to happen. I see my kids settling in their new home and feel guilty I don't feel the same. 4 years ago we dragged them out of date ham to move them to Nottingham, in hope of a better life. I feel angry that it turned out to be pointless and I upset them for nothing and feel like I have done the same again.
Now the anger has passed, I have begun sorting our new home. I have unpacked a little and have carpet on the floor, able to get into a cleaning routine and am decorating the old tenant away, I feel like this is a fresh start and am beginning to get excited. I am ready for the future, my kids are ready for the future and the mr... He will just tag along, like he always does :)
I am working on one room at a time and seen as I am doing it all on a budget I felt it would be fitting to show some of the things I have done in future posts. Keep an eye out for my SMP budget decorating series staring next Saturday to see how I am getting on.