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Thursday, 16 October 2014

Date nights?

When me and the hubby first met i had 2 kids. They were young and it was easy to make time for us. We have been together 6 years this December and although we have only been on an official "date" once, over time we just stopped spending time together like we did. Money is always an issue, we cant go out. We have no baby sitter so the kids need to be watched. Having kids and a house to run, school runs to do, dinner to cook and all the other housewife duties i have alongside him working nights, we are both tired. At the end of the day we just want out bed.

I saw a conversation online a few months back about how couples who have one day a week to themselves are closer. It did get me thinking and opened up quite a conversation with the hubby. We have stopped cuddling in bed, he no longer rubs my back while we snuggle on the sofa watching random tv shows (unless i ask), he know longer brings me flowers or leaves me little notes. He used to grab me before he left the house and kiss me like it was the last kiss he would give me, hold my hand in public and all the other soppy things you can think of when you go through that honeymoon period. Equally i have stopped doing many of the things he appreciated. I no longer make sure he has clean clothes out on his working days, or do him a packed lunch. When he wants to go fishing, i no longer wave him off with a smile and i do not make any romantic gestures like try hold his hand, or kiss him before he leaves. It is almost like we have lost touch with each other and are just robotically plodding along day by day.

We both agreed this cant go on, we both like to feel as if the other one appreciates us and the role we play in providing for our family. While we are aware that the honeymoon period is supposed to subside and reality kick in, what's to say we cant make it continue? If we made a little effort and worked together we could bring that spark back, something i think we both desperately want. He knows i love him and i know he loves me. I have his back and much as he has mine but at the end of a hard week we need that to look forward to.

We discussed some options which i thought i would share. We plan to set aside one evening a fortnight for us, We still have the baby sitter problem and we still have no money but we both come to the conclusion that there must be more we have in common other than SVU or political debates. We want to add some fun but had to keep things free or as low cost as possible and we also want the experience of the teenage courtship that in an ideal situation we would have had so everything had to be fun.

  • Play a board game. 
We are both competitive in a playful way. Monopoly is my all time favourite game and as it can be quite a long game it is perfect for us to play on a date night. We toyed with the idea of making things more interesting and adult like. If naughties we on the cards then introduce naughty and nice cards into the community chest and chance cards, Perhaps shot glasses and if one ended up in jail we would have to drink a shot. When we mentioned this to friends they were shocked! "its a children;s game, buy an adult game if you want to do that" Why not? We would of course remove the naughty and nice cards from the box so the kids didn't need to know but it made it fun for us as adults. 

  • Watch a film on Netflix
We pay for this monthly anyways and always try to watch something once a week. As me and him have very different sleep patterns, i use it much more than he ever has. Sometimes though there is something that interests us both. 

  • A night in front of youtube
One of the most things we have ever done is just sit in front of the computer and watch random stuff in front of youtube. Anything ranging from funny cats to his latest favourites - Epic rap battles of history! If you haven't seen them, you really must, some of them are hilarious! Warning though they may contain swearing. It is nice just to sit down with him and laugh. We can flick through video after video and easily pass several hours just laughing at funny things on the net. 

  • Watch old game shows and get competitive. 
Me and the hubby when together are naturally competitive. It sounds boring and sad but we love nothing more than curling up with a full list of game shows and trying to out win each other. Catchphrase remains a firm favourite in our house. It can get silly and is generally great fun. 

  • Go fishing/for a walk/for a picnic
Its an obvious choice for most couples. Its free and means you can spend lots of time together on your own and out of the house. As mentioned, together we are competitive. Hubby likes fishing so we choose that as it kills 2 birds with one stone. Think of Patrick Swayze in Ghost, that loving moment when hes helping her with the pottery? Thats about as romantic as me and the hubby get! The difference is he is behind me helping me hold a fishing pole or reel in a big one! Its fun its free and we have plenty to talk about :) 

  • Cook together
We often do this anyway, i've never cooked alone since meeting him as we both prefer to cook together. It gives us a chance to talk properly as the kids generally leave us to it. Make some cookies or cakes or a homemade pizza and settle down to a nice film. Its a great semi free activity to do together. 

  • Plan a sensual massage
Bit of a naughty one i suppose but we had to throw it in there. I love nothing more than a back rub but hubby is a typical man and his hands wander! Ok this usually leads to more but it is one of my favourite things to do with him. It is relaxing and we both get a chance to make each other feel better. 

  • Nerf gun war! 
The kids were given nerf guns for christmas. Before they opened them i admit i hated the idea. Why would any parent want their child to shoot something, that at close range really hurts! at another person? When the kids eventually got bored with shooting their little sticky board and left them to gather dust,  i completely accidentally (on purpose) picked one up and fired it at his leg :D It set off a spur of the moment and very funny (even with the mass of bruises) race around the house firing little yellow foam bullets at each other. It was great to feel like a kid again and just have fun. The whole thing ended abruptly when he shot me in the eye! :) 

  • Mcdonalds and the pub (at home) 
This is the one of the things that means spending money but we set aside a budget of £20 to do this. Buy a mcdonalds (or any other takeaway - we chose this one because the kids can have a treat too) Grab some alcohol and have a drink at home and a chat. 

  • Penny date
This involves spending money but i found this on pinterest and thought it was such a fantastic idea i had to share. 

Just discussing our options we quickly realised how important this was for us as a couple. Do you plan date nights? What things do you do? 

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